Many relationships thrive off of fiery emotion, impulse and passion. Add drugs, violence, lies, deceit and or selfishness to the equation and there you have a recipe for disaster! For years we remain in dysfunctional relationships that are hidden treasures to our blinded hearts until there demise. Sure there have been signs along the way, but they are ignored for fear of loss of the familiar. Fear in itself is a distorted view of reality which convinces the fearful, that it is an inevitable happening. This too is a form of dysfunction. Looking DEEPER: In the picture above to the right, one woman decides to share her supply of pills with her sister friend. Why share something that can be as detrimental as driving a car into a brick wall? Oh, in her mind she is sharing a bit of her own happiness with a person she “thinks” she loves dearly. Drink in hand coupled with pills jolts her friend into a euphoria she has never known before. However, this is only an illusion. Once the high wears off, reality will hit again and her sister friend will need more to keep her in the darkness. Her addiction to this friendship will lead her down a path few ever return from. The picture in the middle is one of a man who takes out his uncontrollable urge for domination on the woman he says he loves on a daily bases. She stays; addicted to his scent, his essence, his presence simply afraid to be alone. She convinces herself that this is the last time he will raise his hand to her. She thinks he loves her too deeply to ever hurt her again! His love is so intoxicating that she goes back time and time again. The last photo is one of a couple enthralled in a passionate screaming match! Down to their bare skin they hold on with hatred in their eyes and sex on their mind. Who wants to live like this? To the natural eye this relationship is completely absurd, though you would be surprised how many of us are in this type of relationship right now. I must admit that my “need to be needed” personality has carried me to the door step of many dysfunctional relationships (friendships, family relationships and working relationships). This is changing the more I sit and self-reflect. I evaluate what role I have played in each relationship noting that I am the only constant in every equation. Comfortable being the “super she-ro” at the end of every story nearly emptied out my measure of faith. Although, running to the feet of the Master completely naked, stripped of all my cover ups, I realized that my short comings were purpose-filled moments of testimony for God’s glory. I have been to my spiritual twelve step program and I never want to attract dysfunction again. I will be a better me, you’ll see!
Many have lost limbs and vital organs in relationships. Some have come away feeling dark and empty; others left battered and scarred. Fewer still walk away with the perspective that they got what they wanted out of the deal. However, we all COM-PROMISE. This phrase jumps out at me like a rat spotting cheese for the first time.
See we all “come promising” something. We come promising that we will be understanding of the flaws of others, when we know good and well we can barely stomach our own. We come promising to love always and leave never, when the truth is that was a fleeting thought at its conception. We all come promising that we will give it all we’ve got until all we had felt like too much and we stopped short of given a lot. Well, maybe it’s the other way around, We all “come w/promise”.
No one in a relationship is perfect, not even the wife who never stepped out on her husband even after she found evidence that he did. No I’m not perfect even though I have loved through some hard adversities, loving even in the times when I wondered if he still saw me…even I’m not perfect. I’ve struggled with my own inward battles, had flaws that brought me to my knees, but one thing I learned from this relationship is that I am right where I’m supposed to be. I, he, we came with promise and lest I forget, the Master reminds me daily that He’s not done with me yet! So, I have to meet my spouse somewhere along the way. Finding common ground is inevitable if we search, seek and pray. Oh if the tie that binds us close together seems its wearing thin, I’ll just take my pillow from the bed, bow my knees and pray again. I realize for some that answer may not be the one they choose, but sticking with God is always right and with Him you will not lose! Compromise is key if you intend to see the God of the bible come to life in your reality.
I remember so vividly the silly grin on the face of each teenager that took me in…into the room and shut the door as his mother laid sleep in the living room, and I lay panty less on a nasty bedroom floor. He played with my soft places until I my innocent body began to react, and feel only things a woman should which made me long to come back. My mother would ask me time and again if anyone ever touched me, she used the word in appropriately so I responded no ‘cause I felt lucky. How was I supposed to know that the games they took turns playing with me were gross and really awful?
All at once my innocence quickly seemed to escape; when I realized what they were doing to me some would consider rape. When the sister finally came home to spend time with me as she had always promised my mom, she noticed I was headed to her brother’s room and wondered why I sobbed. She asked me why I was going there and I said I always do, she waved her fist, yelling at one brother and said this mess is through. So all the times you asked for me, were you looking the other way, while the brothers you knew were sick spent special time with me each day? Or did the encounter you had with me as you saw me passing by, the very room of your dearest sibling with the look of fresh meat in his eyes?
Seventeen years later, I saw him and the memories came flooding back. Things I had not thought about since that terrible day. Then I found myself whispering, “I forgive you, if not for you for me”. By the time I made through the checkout line I felt totally free. The evil things you did to my body would no longer take its course; because my heart has been penetrated I can cancel the yoke of divorce. Sure the first one that I tried it failed and I was shame, but this marriage I’m in now is sealed in JESUS’ name!
Although I would love to blog every day, unfortunately, HE will not release me to do so for your benefit. You, the reader need fresh downloads from God and expressions of the deepest love that He has for you. I don’t blog because I’m bored. I blog because I have something to say and someone, that only I can say it to. Therefore, as I proceed, please understand that this post will be like no other you have read from my previous thoughts. It will be raw and spoken as my husband Abba releases me to speak.
A bold statement, hmm? Yeah that’s me. Bold. I refuse to quietly sit by and idly watch life happen to people HE especially loves and adores. So, I made a choice to stand up and out for them, for HIM! At the age of 5 I was allowed to visit the neighbors next door, because the oldest daughter still living at home would ask for me often. My mother fully trusted this family, as she had grown very close to their mother and expected her to protect me with her life. You see I was the daughter my mother asked for and no one would ever hurt her little girl!
Little did she know that hurt was a norm for me, because those who promised to care were never there as I visited. But the boys were. They paid attention to me, they thought I was cute and wanted a live teddy bear to hold and squeeze while fondling and misusing my innocence. Not knowing the details of how they got me there weekly sometimes daily, I went gleefully because someone older wanted to “play” with me. I had brothers, but to them I was just a nuisance to carry the little sister along didn’t make sense. I cramped their style for they were older than me, but what they didn’t know or care to see was that others were abusing me.
Love goes through radical changes, first a word only used when people thought they were traveling down a long dark road of no return. Love is used, misused, confused and abuse. But love is the eternal weight of Glory. The weight that holds down a pig headed, strong willed person keeping him grounded long enough to advance in his career. Love is the smallest detail written at the bottom of a birthday card of a memory long past. Love has starred in many a motion picture, rode on the horse of many a cowboy, and driven through the hearts of the fast and furious. But for some reason love just lingers on. Love is usually a word thrown into the first phrase of the morning and the last phrase heard before bed at night. Love deserves an Oscar.
Love stays when everyone else has gone home or moved on love still lingers. Love grows with each passing moment of separation and each stroke of the pen to paper. Love never no never fails! Although the relationship ended, or the person left love didn’t fail. Love is something that you can hold on too long after the lover has gone. Love never fails. That’s why Love deserves an Oscar.
Love at the 2nd hand store you say? Oh yeah! You may never understand the unorthodox way one could find love in a thrift store, so that’s why I’m writing. People search the world over looking for love. They often wonder can it be found in the arms of a prince charming (a congressman, a senator, the principle or the trainer at their favorite gym). Others wonder if miss perfect is waiting around the bend (the run-way model, the house wife who does all her house work in heels, or the one who’s just like momma). When real love could be staring them right in the face, wearing glasses, tennis shoes or riding the bus. Love, the magic between two people who come alive when they realize that all they want to do is be with one another. You know the magic moment that happens in the movies when two friends laugh hysterically and one touches the others hand a little longer than usual, they stop laughing, their eyes meet and they lean in for a kiss. That moment…
Well last week I had that moment while combing the isles of a 2nd hand store with my husband. I learned early in life that I could get more for my money by shopping for needs in a thrift store. Therefore, the 2nd hand store is one of my favorite places to shop. He being considerate, took note of my shopping pleasure and whisks me away to one of the best 2nd hand store I have ever been to. Then he tells me to put everything I like in the basket and there was no limit! NO LIMIT! Oh my gosh. Thank you Jesus. Usually, I have trouble finding nice things that fit since I’m a plus size girl. So, shopping trips for me are usually extremely disappointing. None the less, NO LIMIT, means NO LIMIT! LOL.
As I combed the isles I would look up to see where he was and if he was still approving of the amount of items I had when I noticed that he was searching harder than me for suitable attire. We shared a glance and he smiled. The more I found the more he searched. We filled the basket to the brim. He followed me to the dressing room and stood outside the door handing me piece after piece until I had tried them all on. Every time I raised the dressing room curtain his eyes lit up as if it were the first time he lay eyes on me. He made me feel like his queen and he my king. I fell in love all over again with my husband my friend in a 2nd hand store. It wasn’t the money he spent or the fact that he took me shopping, it was the loving way he cared for me that day. He joined me in my world. He took time days before to see what this store had to offer for me. He made sure I was set up for success. He removed all possibility of disappointment for me, because he took note. That is why I say, I found love at the 2nd hand store. This one is a keeper!
It is said that a wife is often the crown of her husband. She is the representation of everything that is good in him. Wow! There is a story told in the bible about a woman who was so extraordinary that she was described by her physical attributes and character within the same description of her husband. The author nearly interrupts his thought to describe the trophy on this man’s arm because of her delightful countenance. Then it picks up and begins to speak about this horrible man.
Take a moment to get your bible or find an online version of the story found in 1 Samuel 25…it is well worth reading. The wife Abigail decided to protect her husband’s reputation and save the life of her lineage. What a brilliant woman. She was strategic in her actions and careful in her calculations of what might happened as she approached the Warrior anointed as soon to be King David. Abigail did not speak of her husband to David as if he was an innocent man. In fact she spoke of his short comings first, and requested that David would look beyond his faults and spare her family. Sometimes as wives our husbands make some bad choices that we have to smooth over the reprecussions of. Your man has to stand before God for the things that he has done to steward your family; therefore, you want to try and help him do this in the most joyful way possible.
Abigail was able to save her family by her creative yet respectable approach to the Warrior who had vowed to pay her husband back with death to his bloodline. She was wise enough to hold back her strategy from her husband as it would have been seen as embarrassing and out of line until she knew that he could soberly receive the news of her behavior. Unfortunately, he was ignorant to the fact that what she did was for the benefit of him and her family, yet he was malevolent toward her. He was so angry with her for interfering that it killed him. But his death free her from the bondage of an ogre like her husband. Her wisdom as a wife was so noble that she was able to marry the King. An extraordinary wife takes risks to help her family achieve life as their best self. She knows when to speak and when to hold back. She is the type of wife that other women only strive to become. She is simply EXTRA!