Many relationships thrive off of fiery emotion, impulse and passion. Add drugs, violence, lies, deceit and or selfishness to the equation and there you have a recipe for disaster! For years we remain in dysfunctional relationships that are hidden treasures to our blinded hearts until there demise. Sure there have been signs along the way, but they are ignored for fear of loss of the familiar. Fear in itself is a distorted view of reality which convinces the fearful, that it is an inevitable happening. This too is a form of dysfunction. Looking DEEPER: In the picture above to the right, one woman decides to share her supply of pills with her sister friend. Why share something that can be as detrimental as driving a car into a brick wall? Oh, in her mind she is sharing a bit of her own happiness with a person she “thinks” she loves dearly. Drink in hand coupled with pills jolts her friend into a euphoria she has never known before. However, this is only an illusion. Once the high wears off, reality will hit again and her sister friend will need more to keep her in the darkness. Her addiction to this friendship will lead her down a path few ever return from. The picture in the middle is one of a man who takes out his uncontrollable urge for domination on the woman he says he loves on a daily bases. She stays; addicted to his scent, his essence, his presence simply afraid to be alone. She convinces herself that this is the last time he will raise his hand to her. She thinks he loves her too deeply to ever hurt her again! His love is so intoxicating that she goes back time and time again. The last photo is one of a couple enthralled in a passionate screaming match! Down to their bare skin they hold on with hatred in their eyes and sex on their mind. Who wants to live like this? To the natural eye this relationship is completely absurd, though you would be surprised how many of us are in this type of relationship right now. I must admit that my “need to be needed” personality has carried me to the door step of many dysfunctional relationships (friendships, family relationships and working relationships). This is changing the more I sit and self-reflect. I evaluate what role I have played in each relationship noting that I am the only constant in every equation. Comfortable being the “super she-ro” at the end of every story nearly emptied out my measure of faith. Although, running to the feet of the Master completely naked, stripped of all my cover ups, I realized that my short comings were purpose-filled moments of testimony for God’s glory. I have been to my spiritual twelve step program and I never want to attract dysfunction again. I will be a better me, you’ll see!
When you are going through pressure or pain in your marriage, forever is a long time. The happiest moments in your life should revolve around the times that you are with the one you love the most; unfortunately that is not always true. Sometimes, the one you love the most is the one who hurts you the greatest. Often you share your heart, but they don’t hear you. When they express their frustrations in life it’s always toward you, but it’s often not you their upset with.
See you are the person they are the most comfortable with. The one that can’t fire them for expressing their emotions, won’t leave them for making bad decisions, and often love them without condition. It sad to say, but you and your family members are the only safe place they can vent. But this can be harmful and disruptive to your marriage. Share with the person, that if they continue to use you as their only outlet to release their negative vibes, then you will have to put space and distance between you.
Your life and health is important. You are important. I pastor that I used to spend time around, would always tell his congregation: “You are valuable”, You’re dreams are valuable”, You’re thoughts are valuable”! No wonder his church is growing by leaps and bounds…every human being needs to feel valued by someone, especially those they love the most. Cause forever is a long time!