Why hurt someone you love?

I don’t understand how a person can beat on and abuse someone they claim they love. How can the words I love you come out of your mouth when your hand is raised in disdain to strike me? Was it something I said, or something you did? You can’t tell me “I love you” when you continue to punish me for being myself, well who else can I be?

Why approach me with negative phrases that are non-complimentary, when you interrupted my peace and replaced it with this insanity! Come to me with truth and stop lying to my face, if you don’t really want me move around and give someone else your place. You are taking up…you’re truly just taking up space.

Have you decided in your heart that you are moving on, but you could never see yourself leaving me alone. Go ahead cause the truth is you are already gone. Look at me and tell me the truth, since you already know I have the proof. No, I didn’t go through your pockets to find the dirt all I did was stand back and watch you flirt. Go ahead walk out the door, because striking me ain’t happenin’ no more. I’ve realized my worth and it’s not found in you, so the next time you creep I swear we’re through.

Trying to hold on to something that was dead long ago, is like shining shoes for a ball on a dirt dusty floor. There is nothing left of us when to me your hand you raise, cause all those days of lovin’ have been cluttered by this hatred haise. I love you, Lord knows I do, but I will walk away before I kill myself loving you.

I have struggled long enough with the notion that you were gone, now I’m happy that I finally realize it wasn’t you that made me strong. Yes, I lost myself as I wrapped up in your flesh, but one thing I know is that loving me is what’s truly best. So why hurt someone you love if you’ve ever loved them at all? Because the way you treat them will be your worst down fall. Come back to yourself oh love and find tranquility within, for if you don’t soon find yourself, the sin you’re in will win!

Trusting your partner

DON’T! What do you mean don’t? Don’t trust your partner, trust your God. Only the Lord can offer guidance to your spouse in the way you need it. Your God knows everything about you. He is concerned about the smallest things that concern you. He does not want you to fret over life’s emotional insecurities. He wants you to know that He’s got you. When you are not around, He is always there. You cannot control your spouse nor anything that they do. The person you love the most may hurt you, are you prepared to love them after the pain. If you are not and you are only engaged, don’t get married! If you are married and not prepared to love in this manner, be reminded by the Holy Spirit how you have been loved by your savior when you were undeserving.

Having a memory of my own faults has kept me from holding my partner hostage to his past failures. We all have a past. The beautiful thing about love is that it helps you leave things in the past and try to move forward with a clean slate. Ok he/she cheated on you where do you go from here? Is your relationship worth salvaging? Can you work to trust him or her again? Have you lived more good days than bad together? Have you fought a common enemy together to accomplish a unified goal? If you have, than you can get past this. She has lied to your face on many occasions what will it take for her to gain your trust?

What a manipulative spirit he has, and I’m tired of it? Sound like your relationship? What do you do when you don’t know what to do? Stand still! Pray, and bust the devil upside the head with the word of God. Let the Word do the work. It will change, if we can only hold out! Get you some real good in the corner on your knees prayer and snottin’ partners they will carry you when you can no longer carry yourself. Trusting your partner can be a monster, a mess or a ministry. Take your pick!

Pillow Talk speaking candidly

Please let me preface by saying it is 1 am and I am extremely tired. Enjoy!

What is your idea of Pillow Talk? Is it talked about the children after they’ve gone to bed? Was it the argument with your boss or the random thoughts in your head? Is it time spent ranting about the short-comings of your spouse? Or about things he or she failed to do within the house? What is your idea of Pillow Talk? Many couples consider pillow talk the time to recap the failures, successes and unfinished business of the day. That is not at all what pillow talk should be. This type of communication should never involve the words, “Honey I’m tired not tonight”, “I have a headache or maybe later”. No pillow talk is mood stirring conversational talk.

Look, I’m not saying that you should never be too tired to make love to your spouse, but what I am saying is that the phrase “Honey I’m tired” should not happen more than three times per month (i.e. when she’s on her womanly or one or the other is tired)… and dear God! keep your fasting to a minimum with the approval of your spouse so that you do not open a doorway for the devil with your deep self. Practice fasting together as a team, therefore when the fast is over, it’s over for both people at the same time.

Here’s what I am really saying, intimacy is a vital part of marriage. It is the key to reunification and reconciliation. According to Ephesians 5:31 the two become one

Whenever my husband and I have failed to see eye to eye, after we have worshiped our God together through intimacy our bond grows closer. Sorry, it may appear that I got side tracked but that is not the case. Pillow talk is the tool used to bring about intimacy (or in to me I let you see). So now that you know what it does, than let me give you a few pointers on what pillow talk should be about…

Love is a Choice

Why do people think it’s okay to say they’ve fallen out of love with their significant other? When the word  fallen connotes that the one expressing love had no control over the part they played in the demise of the relationship. Love is a choice! Therefore we either choose to show it or possess it for someone or not. Shouldn’t we love the ones that are not so loving toward us? or should we seek revenge for the pain inflicted upon us as they moved away?

Many in this current age, start their marriage with the end in mind, contemplating the next best thing if it doesn’t work out. You know, a disaster emergency mentality {if there is not a spare on the side or a separate bank account to fall back on, the marriage is over}. Take it from me, a former divorcee; the word divorce does not stop the pain nor settle the issues at hand. Divorce only ends one chapter of pain and begins a new one. For some, this was an era of release for them from being the “ball and chain”, but for others the D-word represents the death of a dream.

When man and woman were created, they were joined together by God in unity and in holy matrimony as a mirror of God’s love for His people. Unfortunately, that picture became distorted and smudged by the sin they allowed to over take them. According to 1 Peter 3:1-2 If a wife would subject, submit, allow her husband to lead by conducting herself with respect and purity not swelling up at him and trying to force him to do as she pleases (or as she expects according to God’s word) than He will not have a problem taking the spiritual lead.

But hold on brothers, you don’t get away that easy. 1 Peter 3:7 note that you are to dwell with her in an understanding way, showing honor to her knowing that she expresses the softer side of you. The author proceeds to answer the anticipated question; Why? by simply saying, first, she is your sister(joint heir) in Christ  and secondly, because you want your prayers answered. Sounds like to me that love is a choice and if we want God’s favor we must choose, to love, regardless.

A Satisfying Love

Hey, have you ever been loved so good, that you thought, man if I never experience love again I could live with the memory of you forever!? No. Well I have. The deepest, purest most colorful love walked into my life in April of 2003 and I have never been the same. My husband wooed me with a love so divine, so Christ like that I thought, so this is what God’s love should feel like in human form. I thought to myself, if God called my husband home today there was a strong possibility that I would never marry again, because I would not want anything to taint the memory of what we had.

I often wondered in time past why Coretta-Scott King or Betty Shabazz never remarried, but after having had such an experience I believe it was for that very reason that they chose to remain widows. These women lived in light of unshakeable love, unquenchable faith and intolerable legacy. Who would taint such a satisfying love? Well tonight’s post is more about the love of my Savior that even trumps the love of my earthly husband. For you see, my Savior became broke and broken for me (according to 2 Corinthians 8:9; John 3:16). He bore my sin when He had committed none of His own (Isaiah 53:12). His family turned their backs because of His love for me and He still married me anyways (Matthews 27:46; Ephesians 5:25). Now I would say that’s some kind of love! The bible says, “What is man that thou art mindful of Him”? God’s mind is full of me all day everyday. He is working on my behalf to protect me, provide for me, express his unfailing love towards me in order to bring me in His loving care (Jeremiah 33:3). If you have never experienced a love quite so sacrificial and selfless as this, why not surrender your life to Him, He is still accepting more into the wedding party! If your marriage is dying, try satisfying it with the love that only Christ can give, I did!

Forever is A Long Time!

When you are going through pressure or pain in your marriage, forever is a long time. The happiest moments in your life should revolve around the times that you are with the one you love the most; unfortunately that is not always true. Sometimes, the one you love the most is the one who hurts you the greatest. Often you share your heart, but they don’t hear you. When they express their frustrations in life it’s always toward you, but it’s often not you their upset with.

See you are the person they are the most comfortable with. The one that can’t fire them for expressing their emotions, won’t leave them for making bad decisions, and often love them without condition. It sad to say, but you and your family members are the only safe place they can vent. But this can be harmful and disruptive to your marriage. Share with the person, that if they continue to use you as their only outlet to release their negative vibes, then you will have to put space and distance between you.

Your life and health is important. You are important. I pastor that I used to spend time around, would always tell his congregation: “You are valuable”, You’re dreams are valuable”, You’re thoughts are valuable”! No wonder his church is growing by leaps and bounds…every human being needs to feel valued by someone, especially those they love the most. Cause forever is a long time!

Did you Focus on the vows?

“For better or worse, richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, till death do us part”. It’s mighty funny that the only part of this phrase that most women hear is: For better, richer, in health and only death will part us, and all the men hear is blah, blah, blah…honor, obey and we’re stuck till death! But what if worse lasts longer than better, poorer hangs around much longer than richer and sickness is the only thing we’ve known? Then the only way most of us see getting out of something that horrible is death! Ha ha ha. Funny isn’t it, or is it?

Many women spend years planning the perfect wedding, searching for the right dress, dreaming up the perfect fantasy family, and scoping out the left hand of every good-looking single guy who struts by. What is she looking for? A ring of course. She needs to know if he is free enough to possibly be her “Mr. Right”. But is he “Mr. Right” or better suited for “Mr. Right Now”? So what do I consider marriage material? Marriage material is a person who is intently looking for a spouse and has gotten his or her life in order well enough to add someone else to the equation without smothering them with the baggage that is already in their lives.

Some days you may think you got Mr. or Mrs. Right, and others the right now character afore mentioned. But whomever you have in your bed…if you have said the vows, signed on the dotted line and have the ring to prove it…you need to make them your Mr. or Mrs. right forever! Work on loving them even when they are unlovely…